Showing posts with label growth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growth. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

☀️ June 2024: Career Questions, Reflective Writing, Pertinent Podcasts


📣 Latest update from last month's "big news"... I 🏁 FINISHED the creation of a video training series that I have been asked by Madecraft to make for them this spring and 🎥 FILMED it on June 6. Again, the course is on how to provide encouraging and empowering #leadership and #management to #GenZ employees! 🎉 I will keep you posted on when and where it will be released -- some time this summer. 

I also think anyone with kids ages 15-27 will find the content helpful as well. I am super excited for this new opportunity.

Meanwhile, how are you doing as summer starts and you're still facing a pile of work?! I hope these resources provide some encouragement and relief. Thanks for reading.

☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️  

🤔 What Really Motivates You at Work? I think you’d be surprised at how many conversations I have each month with clients who feel stalled, bored, or frustrated with their jobs. But it also feels paralyzing to start the process of figuring out what might be next – especially when you’re already working full-time. Rather than try to take all that on: maybe you could just start with this article?

🔎 Career Coaching? I continue to be surprised as to where my coaching takes me. I just finished with a long-term (9 years) corporate client last month, and in turn just added two new career coaching clients in the last two days... who reached out to me! I don't quite know what is going on, but I now have THIRTEEN individual coaching clients right now. I sense there are a lot of people out there looking for a change or just wondering if this is all there is. If that fits for you or someone you know, feel free to reach out for complementary 30-minute conversation.

😕 Why so many of us feel lonely at work. I'm including this recommendation because it puts into words some of the things clients are saying to me. It's a 32-minute long podcast episode and could provide some insights for you as to what you are feeling. This short article from FastCompany may reinforce the new truth for some that "work is not your family."

✍🏾 Esther Perel Journaling Prompts. I am a very big fan of her weekly podcast and also receive her monthly newsletter. I have slowly been compiling all of the questions from her newsletters into one document. Here's the link to those if you want to have journaling prompts that will carry you for several months if not years!

🌪️ Fighting Perfectionism, Stop Fearing Boredom. OK, maybe it is a little random to put those two statements together. But they are the first two episodes in a series of conversations that I am enjoying so far on The Happiness Lab. It sounds like this season is addressing some compulsive behaviors that we can tend to fall into, and they are done in an engaging and accessible way. Check them out.

📘 The Daily Reset. This is a random little book I found recently that I am using as part of my morning ritual to prepare for my day. It is simple, but so far has provided some interesting reflections.

Again, thanks for reading. Please feel free to pass this page along to a friend or colleague. Send an email to kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me with questions, comments or feedback. I'll end with these words...

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." — Will Durant

Monday, May 6, 2024

🌻 May 2024: Activity, Advice, Aging and More


📣 Update from last month's "big news"... I'm halfway through the creation of a video training series that I have been asked by Madecraft to make for them this spring on how to provide encouraging and empowering #leadership and #management to #GenZ employees! 🎉 I will keep you posted on when and where it will be released -- some time this summer. So excited for this new opportunity.

Other than that, I just finished teaching an internship course with a fantastic group of 14 undergrads. This year marks 40 years that I have worked with students. That feels equally gratifying... and terrifying! A mental slide show of decades of former students and interns are scrolling through my head right now and I am warmed by the (mostly!) delightful memories.

Certainly, while I am humbled by the extent of my past experiences, I am also anxious to stay continuously current and aware of what is happening right now and in the near future. That is especially why I am excited about the upcoming video training course I am making. And also about the resources I get to share with you each month here. Enjoy!

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𝟏:𝟏 How to Maximize Impact with Manager One-on-One MeetingsThis is a surprisingly good article on how #managers can #maximize impact in their in their #1on1s. It's not a reductive, 5-bullet-and-buh-bye set of obvious tips. It gets in the weeds. I recommend it. Nice work, #Lattice

🏃🏽‍➡️ Don’t Underestimate the Power of Small Breaks During a Busy WorkdayAs someone who spends the majority of my day seated (or occasionally standing) at my desk, this was helpful. I’m trying to do little “exercise snacks” too.

🥱 🥳 Languishing vs Flourishing: where do you fit? Perhaps you've heard these two terms more often recently: #languishing and #flourishing. We may think we know what they mean, but this article (a mere 5-minute read) really breaks them both down and made me do some reflecting. It does a good job contrasting #mentalillness with #mentalhealth.

📜 101 more pieces of life advice. Try reviewing one suggestion from this list every day and let it prompt some reflection. I’m humbled by this one: “Multitasking is a myth. Don’t text while walking, running, biking or driving. Nobody will miss you if you just stop for a minute.”

🎵 "When I'm 64..." OK, maybe turning 63 this year has gotten my attention a teeny bit more when it comes to the future? But WOW, these articles are worth paying attention to, both personally and professionally, when it comes to those 65 and older. This is a speed round of links with little to no commentary - don't skip any of them because each one offers new insights:


Final Thought.
"Don’t ever be ashamed of loving the strange things that make your weird little heart happy." — Elizabeth Gilbert

Thanks for reading... please pass this page along to friends, family and coworkers. And reach out with questions and comments at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me. Cheers!

Wednesday, October 4, 2023

October 2023: Happiness, How-to's, Hidden Potential



🤔 Using ChatGPT to Make Better Decisions. As I inch my way in to understanding and using #AI more, I plan to share the articles I find most useful. This quote captures the value of this article: "...while it may be tempting to merely ask ChatGPT for answers, the real power of LLMs is how they can assist at each stage [of #decisionmaking]." Much of my #coaching involves listening to my #clients and helping them figure out what are the true issues they are dealing with, so this resource becomes a valuable option to work through a complex question or concern. (PS I prefer ClaudeAI to ChatGPT)

🤡 Arthur C. Brooks — How to Be Happy. Before you give a hard pass on this, hear me out. This is not a discussion about the emotion of being happy; it's about finding happiness, AKA "fulfillment" or "meaning," in life. Big difference! I will be the first to admit that a) this is a l-o-n-g interview, so I recommend breaking it up, and b) I often find Tim Ferriss annoying (skip the section where Tim fanboys Brooks' fitness 🙄)... Nevertheless, there is tons of good content that goes in several different directions and is very thought-provoking.

🌎 How to Influence Across CulturesI have mentioned on this blog before that much of my work involves connecting with clients in many other countries. I have learned a great deal in the last several years about what it takes to work across cultures. I have also mentioned previously here that I have benefited greatly from Erin Meyers' research found in her book The Culture Map, and have repeatedly recommended her interview on Armchair Expert. Another interview in that vein (a bit more sedate than Dax Shepard on Armchair and entirely business-focused) can be found on the episode of Coaching for Leaders that I have linked here. I am bringing this up again because the applications I gained from these resources are more pertinent than ever today as we continue to expand globally (and virtually) in how work is done.  While I’m at it, I also recommend this brief article on the distinct differences in meaning between the terms “multi-cultural,” “cross-cultural,” and “intercultural.”

💤 How to slow down and find some meaningful rest. I wish I'd kept count of the hundreds of times I have had conversations with clients and friends about fatigue and the need for rest. It is a constantly recurring theme, to say the least. I highly recommend this link of an interview on slowing down and the seven forms of rest that we actually need. While you're at it, take the Rest Quiz mentioned in the conversation, which I have recommended before. Heck, if you want to keep pondering this topic, here is an article this week from New Yorker magazine as well. I like the lede: "Requiring rest, rather than work, is still a radical idea."

✅ Hidden Potential Assessment. If you have worked with me, you know I like useful assessments, and if you've read at least a few of my blog posts, you know I appreciate the work of Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist who seeks "to explore the science of making work not suck" (his own description). He has a new book coming out - here's the blurb: "His latest book, Hidden Potential, explores how to build the skills and structures to achieve greater things, and how to create opportunities for those who have been overlooked. We can all improve at improving – and when opportunity doesn’t knock, there are ways to build a door." That concept of "constant improvement" intrigues me. He's lecturing here in Santa Barbara on November 16 and I plan on going. (PS If you take the assessment, share your results with me and I'll share mine!)

❓Team-Building Question for the Month. As I said last month, I strongly suggest using creative ice-breaker questions on a consistent basis to help create a warmer, fun, collegial, maybe even mildly vulnerable work vibe. One team I work with calls this exercise "Thursday Thoughts" on their Teams thread and they have agreed to respond within 24 hours once the question is posted. Here is a question for the month: 

What's the last thing that made your face light up?
(Yes, like, really excited when you talked about it.)

My response:
I got to go to the Coldplay concert at the Rose Bowl last weekend. Singing loudly with 60,000 others is a good thing to do every once in awhile!

✍🏾 Journal Prompt for the Month. I take time every morning to journal. I don't write a ton on most days, but I try to take a few minutes each time to check in on myself: Anything staying with me from the day before? Anything on my mind about what I'm heading into today? How is my body feeling? What am I thinking about? This practice helps me prepare for my day by becoming present, and addressing anything that might interfere with my interactions with others.

I coach nearly every client to consider doing this, so I want to include a journal prompt here each month to get you started:

What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

The link I've included sends you to the folder of journal prompts I make available to clients, if you need more ideas.

Thanks for reading ~ feel free to share this with a friend or co-worker. Send questions or feedback to kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me. Cheers!


Monday, March 20, 2023

March 2023: Three Years In...


If you follow this blog regularly you know that my goal is to get out a new post at the start of every month. So... March has definitely "marched" along at a quick pace and kept me busy. I'm glad to finally catch my breath and post several different things I've enjoyed and used with clients recently.

Maybe because we're hitting the 3-year mark on the official start of the pandemic, you will detect a bit of a theme here in my recommendations (SO MANY emojis!)... So much of what my clients are seeking to manage relates to day-to-day pressures in both personal and professional life and how to maintain some level of stamina emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually. I hope you find them valuable!

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😳 Why being a highly sensitive person could be your greatest personal asset. I am often contacted by clients who need some insight on how to manage their anxiety, stress and emotions. They wonder if they are depressed, or have issues with anxiety, or might even be neurodivergent (OCD, ADHD, autism, dyslexia, among others). Fundamentally, they do not know where to begin! I want to be clear that I am NOT a trained therapist or social worker; all I can do is share (anonymously) what other clients have discovered along the way, and give some options in terms of getting the help they need. Out of these conversations, I have several #coaching clients who have found the description of "highly sensitive person" extremely helpful for the way they observe and process people and processes. Check out this article about its advantages. And if you are curious to learn more, go to hsperson.com. Even if this doesn't apply to you, you may have someone you work with or care about come to mind.

😈 Do you have an "inner critic"? On the heels of the recommendation I just listed, I want to add this one. I’ve used this link with several clients in the past few weeks, which qualifies it for a recommendation here. For those with high Restorative, Achiever, Responsibility or Deliberative in #StrengthsFinder, dealing harshly with yourself may be an ongoing challenge for you. As the article states, "We all know this voice in our head that constantly criticizes, belittles, and judges us... Our inner critic can be a cruel and deeply damaging force. Its strength and impact determine our overall mental wellbeing. The destructive voice in our heads is never satisfied and can soil and spoil anything we may achieve, no matter how impressive." If any of this sounds familiar, take some time to check out the many resources available on this link.

😃 Happiness in America, Part 1: The Secret to a “Good Life,” According to an 80-Year Study. I enjoyed this discussion of a longitudinal study at Harvard. Super fascinating - it certainly makes me interested in knowing and learning more, and talks about all the stuff I care about most: #meaning, #purpose, #resilience.

😫How to Manage Anxiety after a LayoffGreat direction on how to #journal to avoid #catastrophizing when dealing with something difficult like a #layoff. I have a boatload of journaling prompts also available if you need them.

🤔 Making decisions, seeking approvalQuite possibly my favorite #newsletter, by #OliverBurkeman. Take a few moments to consider how much you look for #approval from others when #makingdecisions.

🧒🏽 30 Questions to Ask Your Child Beyond "How Was Your Day?" I am always quick to provide questions for team conversations and relationship building in the workplace, but I have neglected to provide questions for just as important a cohort of people, children and teens (and maybe all the other people in your life?!) Try these out.

As always, thanks for taking the time to read through these... feel free to reach out with questions or feedback at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me

Thursday, November 10, 2022

November 2022: Ruts, Rest, and Remote Work

I always have ambitions of posting something at the beginning of each month. Yet here it is November 10... I'm never entirely sure where the time goes, but better late than never.

I am happy to report that one of the reasons that the start of November caught me a bit by surprise was that I got to go on vacation from October 22-29 to Sun Valley, Idaho. My best friend and I, who are great travel buddies, stayed in the guest house of a friend of hers and other than the shock of a 40+ degree temperature difference, the time there was fantastic. I came back rested and refreshed, and the only regret was that I had to do a bit of scrambling upon my return as I had so much to catch up on. Thus the delay in getting this out....

The view from the back of the guest house
(and no, I did not use the tub!)

Nevertheless, here are my most-used recommendations for the month. These especially found a lot of traction with clients. Enjoy!

♥️ Hygge CardsI’ve used this with friends, but also with teams who already know each other a bit. I had one client call these “palate cleansers” during meetings, when things need to shift between topics during busy, topic-filled tactical work together. Another client used them on a staff retreat to warm up the group. I could see them also being valuable as a way to get a team (especially one working remotely) to socialize a bit more in a less-threatening way.

⛏️ How to Get Out of a RutA quick but worthwhile blog post from one of my favorite authors, #OliverBurkeman. #productivity #patience #resilience P.S. I highly recommend subscribing to his newsletter.

😴 The Nap Bishop is Spreading the Good Word: RestHere is a podcast interview with the “nap bishop” as well. Y'all, this has been on heavy rotation with several people I am working with. Sure, we have all been hearing about the need for more rest in these stressful times. But I tell you what, this has some really new, really thought-provoking insights in regard to our need for rest. If you can only pick one of this month's recommendations, pick this one.

☮️ How 30 Days of Kindness Made Me a Better Person. Full disclosure, I have not done this yet. But I find it intriguing and encouraging. And here are the 30 days of challenges.

🖥 What Great Remote Managers Do Differently. I am juggling three different management training projects right now. This is clearly a huge need in the workplace, especially as we keep wading through the waters of hybrid, remote, layoffs, retention, quiet quitting, you name it. Great quote: “So what managers do remains the same; it’s the how that changes.” This article really highlights a huge shift in management – it is much more focused on people management and not just process management.

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“Especially after COVID-19 forced us all to slow down a bit, I found myself questioning for the first time ever why (and for whom) I and my peers are working so hard — often to the detriment of our mental and physical health — and how that can not only be normalized, but also glorified,” Devon Gates, 21, said. (from Nap Bishop article) 

 


Monday, September 13, 2021

Sept 2021: Try to Have More Good Days

Most of my conversations with clients these days are something like this: "These past 18+ months have felt like running a marathon... yet when we approach the finish line, someone pops out and says, "KIDDING! You have 15 more miles to go! Dig deep, tiger." And then our natural response is to the effect of, "But I've already given it everything I've got -- I've got nothing left." 😩

Sadly, we are all figuring out ways to dig deeper and work out of reserves we didn't think we necessarily had. This month's resources are all related to those reserves. I hope you find them helpful.

🤔 Rethinking Our Relationship with Work (Back to Work, Better).  This quote from the podcast could be on a t-shirt regarding the pandemic:“This has been a big reset moment for each of us.” It provides an excellent discussion on purpose and fulfillment and also on mental health. I also greatly appreciated the exploration of the difference between “meaning” and “happiness.” I suggest that business leaders use this podcast with their teams to keep thinking through strategies for team-building and strategies for resilience as we press on through the pandemic.

☕️ The one habit you need to have more good days. I can't say I knew what a "keystone habit" was before I read this article, but I am happy to say I have one: I dedicate 30-45 minutes each morning to reading and journaling (with a requisite large cup of coffee, of course!) to get centered for my day. The article sparks some ideas as to what your keystone habit could be.

🤯 We Need to Talk More About Mental Health at Work. This is a MUST READ for every employer. (Note that it was written 18 months before the pandemic.) I am having more and more conversations with clients on this topic, and have given several workshops to groups on stress management and resilience. I appreciate these words from the article: "Mental illness is a challenge, but it is not a weakness... Research has found that feeling authentic and open at work leads to better performance, engagement, employee retention, and overall wellbeing." Continuing on this theme, I also strongly recommend this article, When Your Employee Discloses a Mental Health Condition. It feels like the rules of the road for employee and performance management are changing day to day... here are some pertinent pieces of advice for leaders.

🎧 Brené on Day 2. I'm preparing this month's edition of "Podcast Club" (as opposed to Book Club) for one of my clients, and we landed on this podcast episode from exactly one year ago from Brené Brown on -- get this -- making it through the HALFWAY POINT of the pandemic! How ironic (and tragic!) is that?! This is how she describes it: "[This is] a conversation on one of my favorite subjects (and least favorite experiences): Day 2! It sounds easy enough, but Day 2 is no joke. It’s the messy middle – the point of no return. Join us as we talk about navigating what’s next and why it’s always best to stumble through the darkness together." I've developed a worksheet to use for discussions on this episode ~ or you can just bring me in to lead it. Contact me if you want more info.

❝❞ Quote for the month. I recently finished the book Leading: Learning from Life and My Years at Manchester United by Alex Ferguson and Michael Moritz. I was drawn to it by this endorsement from Tyler Cowen, an economist at George Mason University: "Short, but nonetheless one of the very best books on leadership and also talent search.  You also don’t have to know anything about soccer, or care about soccer.  Recommended, and this one supports my view that the best management books are about sports and music, not 'business management' in the mainstream sense of that term." I believe Ferguson perfectly summarizes the difference between management and leadership:

“I slowly came to understand that my job was different. It was to set very high standards. It was to help everyone else believe they could do things that they didn’t think they were capable of. It was to chart a course that had not been pursued before. It was to make everyone understand that the impossible was possible. That’s the difference between leadership and management.” P239


Hope you are able to have more good days this month. Please feel free to pass this post along to others, and contact me with feedback or questions at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

August 2021: Adapt or Die!

My goal is to get these new posts out by the start of a new month. Given that it is August 11, apparently that didn't work out this month! The "return to work" (or not) has kept me busy as teams and workplaces keep having to adjust and cope and manage crises day by day. To quote the Billy Beane character in Moneyball, "Adapt or die." 

So here I am with lots of new resources that I have already tested with clients. I hope you find them useful!

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🧰 Tools for communication, collaboration, creativity and connection as you continue to figure out work during a pandemic. New ones are emerging daily as we keep adapting. Check these out.

  • 🖥  5 Types Of Meetings That Should Always Be Async (And 5 That Shouldn’t). If we were in person, my voice would slowly raise in volume and intensity as I talked about this because I am NOT seeing most workplaces adapting wisely when it comes to remote work. Take 7 minutes to read this article and then spend some time evaluating whether you have effective collaborative software in place. Teams need to shift much more work to shared docs (Google Drive, SharePoint, OneDrive, Dropbox, etc) and commit to doing work asynchronously (ahem, read the article if that isn't a familiar word to you). If you and your team make this change, you will find meetings need to be LESS FREQUENT and MORE EFFECTIVE. Who doesn't want that?! If you need further info to be convinced, read this article too: When Do We Actually Need to Meet in Person.
  • 🤝 Work friends make life happier. Here’s how to make them when you’re remoteWhen coaching clients in trust-building on their teams, I talk about making sure that each person commits to having non-transactional conversations with co-workers on a regular basis. More often than not, the person I'm talking to squinches their nose and resists that idea. Invariably, it turns out that they don't really know how to jumpstart those sorts of conversations. This article gives some fresh ideas. In case you want and need more ideas, I liked this one too.
  • ⁉️ Need even more questions for those meetings where you're trying to get to know others better at work?
    I have created two different worksheets for this need. Check out Team-Building Exercises and 25 Questions. PLEASE let me know what you think and whether they were effective.
  • ⏳ The three-or-four-hours rule for getting creative work done. I would say one of the more challenging things to do in this time of increasing virtual engagement at work and 24-hour availability via technology is to simply be able to F-O-C-U-S on deep work when you need to be creative. This article isn't a roadmap on precisely how to do it, but it does validate your need for it and provide some resources for further exploration of the subject.
  • 🔬Micro Habit Stacking: 25 Small Changes To Improve Your Life. I do #12 almost every day, without fail.

🎧 📺 What I'm watching and listening to. As we struggle with still having to stay home more than we expected at this point in the pandemic, at least there are many good choices out there...

  1. Tim Ferriss' interview of the writer Anne LamottAs a permanently recovering English major, I have loved Anne Lamott's writing, which is hilarious, poignant, challenging, and very real. She puts things into words that completely capture what I'm feeling and that has been deeply helpful on many occasions. I've gone to several of her book readings over the years and she has several stories she's told multiple times, but in this interview I got to hear some things I've never heard her share or read about in her books. It is long and meandering at times, but if you want to learn about writing, or how to recover from difficulty, manage a complicated family history, or remain in recovery, this one is for you.
  2. Summer of Soul. This film is so moving on so many levels. I don't want to say much about it. The music alone is sublime. Just watch it.
  3. The Knowledge Project podcast. This is a new addiction. It's a deep dive on the nuances and challenges of leadership in 2021. Jeff Immelt's description of leadership in a crisis should not be missed. Dig it.
  4. The Vanishing of Harry Pace on Radiolab. Wow, this one captivated me. It took some cool left turns too. I couldn't stop listening.

Phew! Enough for now. Keep these words in front of you as you persevere...

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul alike. (John Muir)

Feel free to reach out with feedback or questions at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me Thanks for reading!

 

Friday, April 2, 2021

APRIL 2021: Develop. Survive. Thrive. Reset.


I've gotten my first Pfizer shot, 2nd one is due soon and I cut 3 inches off my pandemic hair. The times, they are a-changing! I'm excited in some ways as things slowly open up, and concurrently concerned by the premature cancellation of mask-wearing, Spring Break travel busting out all over, and the variants. Eeesh.

As always, I've plowed a bunch of great tools and resources. Here goes!

Leadership Development. This is my favorite topic to talk about... so much so that I got interviewed on a podcast about it! And apparently the response was so strong (most downloads in their season after 1 1/2 days) that they asked me to come back for more. Thank you to those who listened. Upcoming interviews will be on burnout, remote team-building, and the how's and why's of leadership development (intern programs, onboarding, management training, performance reviews and about 15 other things!). Stay tuned.

More resources for leadership development:

  • How to Step In as an Interim Manager. I have used this with a couple of clients and they found it very useful, as a sort of roadmap to get started.
  • What I Learned from Taking Fridays OffI liked this article because it's written by a seasoned leader, not a younger worker who just wants more time to mess around with friends (not that that is bad, but I'm well past that stage!) I've found that my stamina is so different as I've gotten older, and I need more time to decompress and "re-create." This article captures some of the issues around that.
  • Coaching Real Leaders. This is my new favorite podcast (and I love me some podcasts!). I want to be Muriel Wilkins when I grow up.
  • Most Requested Leadership Development Resources. I've done a little spring-cleaning on my website, and if you look to the right of this post --> --> -->, you'll see a boatload of the docs that clients request most from me. There are some gems in there. Have fun! Tell me which ones work for you and why.

Surviving and Thriving.
I do wonder how we will all do as things shift beyond the pandemic. There is certainly no going "back" to the ways things were, but I can't tell what it will be like as we move forward. I think it might be like my experience during every finals week in college, when I pushed really hard with the carrot of knowing that I'd get to have a break... and promptly got sick as soon as I finished! I think once we let our guards down that some stuff might bubble to the surface. Let's be kind to ourselves and others as life unfolds...

  • Beyond Burned OutFrom the HBR "Big Idea" research for March/April 2021. I appreciated having an official definition of burnout, plus a reminder that it's not just an employee problem, but also an organizational one. Additionally, they offer interventions to avoid sustained burnout. A few other tidbits:
    • Millennials have the highest levels of burnout.
    • One of the greatest needs of employees is an empathetic manager.
    • Leaders need to get the right systems in place NOW, before the NEXT crisis happens.
  • CEO Stress, Aging, and Death. I know, I know, not a happy times title, but useful research here.
  • Letters from Esther Perel: Routines and Rituals. Renowned therapist and relationship guru provides great questions for reflecting on the impact of the pandemic over the last year.
  • Which small changes in pandemic habits will stick? Again, "don't waste the pandemic." Use this tumultuous experience to reflect, reset, reboot.

Mental Floss. We all need to take a breather during our days. Rather than mindlessly scroll through social media, try these...

Sunday, April 8, 2018

Podcasts Post No. 5: Feeling Lost and Facing Loss

I have had the tremendous privilege of being invited to walk alongside people during the most intense times of life: birth, courtship, marriage, divorce, mental illness, betrayal, terminal illness, long-held secrets... you name it. The highs were very high and the lows often felt consuming and unbearable. While I have cherished the profound joys shared, I have found that part of why I am able to draw such deep delight from them is that because I have also been dragged through the depths several times. And those times are so agonizing as to be truly "breath-taking." There is nothing to say in the face of deep pain and fortunately I learned rather early on just to SHUT. UP. and sit with someone.

This might seem rather heavy and perhaps you would rather skip this post altogether. But in the midst of my work in the past month I have talked with two people who are depressed, and it has been important for them to actually just acknowledge that to another person. So I bring it up here and want to remind you that the odds are quite good that someone you know (if not you yourself) is depressed. And it is a great gift to that person to remind them that they aren't alone. As Andrew Solomon says in one of the posts I'll be recommending,
"I think depression is, above all, an illness of loneliness. I think the sense that you are unable to do things and that no one can help you — eventually, you go to a doctor and he gives you some kind of medication, or you go to another kind of doctor and he gives you psychotherapy, or, in fact, you go to a priest or a minister or a rabbi or somebody like that, who tries to encourage you and to keep you going through philosophical and theological argument — but you lose the sense of the inevitability of your own being alive. And that’s the most lonely, isolating feeling."
Since this is a blog about leadership development, I am here to remind us all that part of being a leader will certainly require us to persevere through incredibly difficult times, and crucial to our growth in maturity and depth will be the willingness to walk through the fire rather than numb ourselves or do anything possible to avoid the pain. Both of the podcasts I list today are quite powerful arguments for why we must learn how to get through the sadness and grief.

Both episodes come from the same podcast and I cannot recommend it enough. It is called On Being, which describes itself as, "Conversation about the big questions of meaning in 21st century lives and endeavors — spiritual inquiry, science, social innovation, and the arts."

Listen to these if you are interested in learning from those who have walked these roads and come out on the other side as deeper, more sensitive and thoughtful leaders:

Parker Palmer is the author of the book Let Your Life Speak, which is on my list of the top five books that have impacted my life. If you're looking for a brief but extremely thought-provoking book that will prompt reflection on career, vocation and purpose, this is what I recommend. (Then again, my chiropractor thought it had too much "touchy-feely" stuff, so there you have it!)

I listened to the podcast regarding Sheryl Sandberg's untimely loss of her husband twice because it was so moving to me. Buckle up for a surprisingly vulnerable and generous interview.

Thanks for reading this far. Please let me know if you found either or both of these podcasts valuable. As leaders we need to create space for people to enter such times when they comes. As Sandberg said,
“I have lived 30 years in these 30 days. I am 30 years sadder. I feel like I am 30 years wiser.”
May we learn to walk with others when they are in such places, and be brave enough to invite others into our own struggles when they occur. Godspeed.

Saturday, March 3, 2018

Endurance

If you are in the mood for some edge-of-your-seat, outstanding writing, go directly to this recent article from The New Yorker called The White Darkness: A solitary journey across Antartica by David Grann. Make sure you have time though - it is the essence of long-form journalism, something for which the New Yorker is the gold standard. I read it recently on a flight from Phoenix to Santa Barbara, and prayed I would finish it before we landed because I was so gripped by it and did not want to be delayed in finding out how the story ended. Again, be warned: it is essentially a short book, but oh so worth the time. Online, they have supplemented it with some incredible extras.

I need to reflect a bit on this article because it was so. damn. good. It struck some sort of chord deep inside of me, and I am not sure I can say why. I do know that what initially drew me in was that the subject of the story, Henry Worsley, was obsessed with Sir Ernest Shackleton, the legendary Antarctic explorer. There was a time when I too could not get enough of Shackleton, reading South, his own account of the ill-fated Endurance expedition, and Endurance: Shackleton's Incredible Voyage by Alfred Lansing, even tracking down a museum exhibition somewhere that commemorated the journey with an incredible display of Shackleton memorabilia...

A large part of what drew me to Shackleton was his story of leading his crew through utterly unimaginable conditions, having to survive winter in Antarctica when their ship became stuck in the ice. At the time of my reading I was looking for ways to push through difficult circumstances (the untimely death of a beloved mentor due to ALS) and Shackleton's extraordinary perseverance fascinated (and motivated) me. (PS Grann's article for the New Yorker does a lovely job describing Shackleton's quest, and includes some stunning photos.)

Henry Worsley, the subject of the New Yorker story, seemed to be cut from the same cloth as Shackleton. As the article states, his motto was “Always a little further”—a line from James Elroy Flecker’s 1913 poem “The Golden Journey to Samarkand.” As a soldier he has served in remote and dangerous places, and even survived intense training for the Special Air Service:
After completing this part of the course, he was flown to Brunei, where he was helicoptered into a jungle filled with orangutans and cloud leopards and poisonous snakes. He had to survive for a week while eluding a band of soldiers tasked with hunting him down. The administrators of the course had eyes on the ground to observe him—to see what kind of clay he was made of. Later, he was subjected to an interrogation intended to break him. “You are beaten up,” one applicant told a reporter, noting that any vulnerability was exploited: “If you’ve got a phobia about spiders, they’ll use it against you.” Each year, only about fifteen per cent of applicants pass the selection course. Worsley was among them. 
I mean, really.

A good part of the New Yorker article describes Worsley's first trek in Antarctica, to mark the anniversary of Shackleton's trip. (Have no fear, no spoilers here.) It is spell-binding reading. Anyone else would have considered it their life's work to have accomplished what he did in that first journey, yet he started hearing "the lure of little voices" and decided to launch a second, solo expedition just three years later. This quote is given as a way of describing the reason why:
“Why? On account of the great geographical discoveries, the important scientific results? Oh no; that will come later, for the few specialists. This is something all can understand. A victory of human mind and human strength over the dominion and powers of Nature; a deed that lifts us above the great monotony of daily life; a view over shining plains, with lofty mountains against the cold blue sky, and lands covered by ice-sheets of inconceivable extent . . . the triumph of the living over the stiffened realm of death.
Though Worsley's journey was outwardly far more impressive, the older I get the more I have decided that just living life is, on a smaller scale, a sort of "victory of human mind and human strength over the dominion and powers of Nature." Over the course of our lives we face trauma and tragedy, profound joys and paralyzing sorrows, both personal and global.

The question is not only how we will get through such things, but what we will become through the process. THIS is why I am fascinated by Shackleton and Worsley, and why I am always on the lookout for memoirs and biographies that give a glimpse into how some people are able to grow, even enlarge, through struggle. This isn't an abstract or philosophical quest for me; I genuinely want to know because as I have faced the death of those dearest to me and the betrayal of those I trusted, I have been sorely tested. When I have sat with people facing all manner of agony, be it suicide or divorce or cancer or disaster, I have been left speechless and almost dizzy with empathy. As I walk with people through these things, I find that I want to have more trail markers to follow. This life thing is really hard.

Today I came across some words from a book I read a couple of years ago called The Road to Character by David Brooks that helped me process the questions from Worsley's quest into sharper focus. He has a compilation in the back of the book that he titles the Humility Code - a list of qualities he gleaned from the various persons he profiled in the book. These qualities address some big questions that I feel are also addressed, at least obliquely, by Grann's examination of Henry Worsley: Toward what should I orient my life? How do I mold my nature to make it gradually better day by day? Brooks has a robust list of fifteen qualities, yet it is the last one that grabs me still the most:
Maturity is not based on talent or any of the mental or physical gifts that help you ace an IQ test or run fast or move gracefully. It is not comparative. It is earned not by being better than other people at something, but by being better than you used to be. It is earned by being dependable in times of testing, straight in times of temptation. Maturity does not glitter. It is not built on the traits that make people celebrities. A mature person possesses a settled unity of purpose. The mature person has moved from fragmentation to centeredness, has achieved a state in which the restlessness is over, the confusion about the meaning and purpose of life is calmed. The mature person can make decisions without relying on the negative and positive reactions from admirers or detractors because the mature person has steady criteria to determine what is right. That person has said a multitude of noes for the sake of a few overwhelming yeses.
People have asked me what I call the work I do, and to keep it brief, I've decided to call it "leadership development." That's the short answer. But if I have more time, or the person keeps probing, I try to venture into the territory described here -- I like to walk with people as they seek to mature. We cannot force people to do this. But if they decide to step out into the "white darkness" of life itself, it's nice to have a buddy. I'm so grateful for the privilege of getting to do that with many people over the years, and yet some days, it feels like I'm just getting started. As Worsley quoted, “Always a little further.”




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Hearty Bread for the Whole Journey? aka, "What's with the vague subtitle?"

If you have sat through (endured? enjoyed?) one of my Strengths Finder presentations, you know that I often refer back to my life as an eter...