☀️ June 2024: Career Questions, Reflective Writing, Pertinent Podcasts

📣 Latest update from last month's "big news"... I 🏁 FINISHED the creation of a video training series that I have been asked by Madecraft to make for them this spring and 🎥 FILMED it on June 6. Again, the course is on how to provide encouraging and empowering #leadership and #management to #GenZ employees! 🎉 I will keep you posted on when and where it will be released -- some time this summer. 

I also think anyone with kids ages 15-27 will find the content helpful as well. I am super excited for this new opportunity.

Meanwhile, how are you doing as summer starts and you're still facing a pile of work?! I hope these resources provide some encouragement and relief. Thanks for reading.

☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️  

🤔 What Really Motivates You at Work? I think you’d be surprised at how many conversations I have each month with clients who feel stalled, bored, or frustrated with their jobs. But it also feels paralyzing to start the process of figuring out what might be next – especially when you’re already working full-time. Rather than try to take all that on: maybe you could just start with this article?

🔎 Career Coaching? I continue to be surprised as to where my coaching takes me. I just finished with a long-term (9 years) corporate client last month, and in turn just added two new career coaching clients in the last two days... who reached out to me! I don't quite know what is going on, but I now have THIRTEEN individual coaching clients right now. I sense there are a lot of people out there looking for a change or just wondering if this is all there is. If that fits for you or someone you know, feel free to reach out for complementary 30-minute conversation.

😕 Why so many of us feel lonely at work. I'm including this recommendation because it puts into words some of the things clients are saying to me. It's a 32-minute long podcast episode and could provide some insights for you as to what you are feeling. This short article from FastCompany may reinforce the new truth for some that "work is not your family."

✍🏾 Esther Perel Journaling Prompts. I am a very big fan of her weekly podcast and also receive her monthly newsletter. I have slowly been compiling all of the questions from her newsletters into one document. Here's the link to those if you want to have journaling prompts that will carry you for several months if not years!

🌪️ Fighting Perfectionism, Stop Fearing Boredom. OK, maybe it is a little random to put those two statements together. But they are the first two episodes in a series of conversations that I am enjoying so far on The Happiness Lab. It sounds like this season is addressing some compulsive behaviors that we can tend to fall into, and they are done in an engaging and accessible way. Check them out.

📘 The Daily Reset. This is a random little book I found recently that I am using as part of my morning ritual to prepare for my day. It is simple, but so far has provided some interesting reflections.

Again, thanks for reading. Please feel free to pass this page along to a friend or colleague. Send an email to kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me with questions, comments or feedback. I'll end with these words...

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." — Will Durant

March 2023: Three Years In...

If you follow this blog regularly you know that my goal is to get out a new post at the start of every month. So... March has definitely "marched" along at a quick pace and kept me busy. I'm glad to finally catch my breath and post several different things I've enjoyed and used with clients recently.

Maybe because we're hitting the 3-year mark on the official start of the pandemic, you will detect a bit of a theme here in my recommendations (SO MANY emojis!)... So much of what my clients are seeking to manage relates to day-to-day pressures in both personal and professional life and how to maintain some level of stamina emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually. I hope you find them valuable!

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😳 Why being a highly sensitive person could be your greatest personal asset. I am often contacted by clients who need some insight on how to manage their anxiety, stress and emotions. They wonder if they are depressed, or have issues with anxiety, or might even be neurodivergent (OCD, ADHD, autism, dyslexia, among others). Fundamentally, they do not know where to begin! I want to be clear that I am NOT a trained therapist or social worker; all I can do is share (anonymously) what other clients have discovered along the way, and give some options in terms of getting the help they need. Out of these conversations, I have several #coaching clients who have found the description of "highly sensitive person" extremely helpful for the way they observe and process people and processes. Check out this article about its advantages. And if you are curious to learn more, go to hsperson.com. Even if this doesn't apply to you, you may have someone you work with or care about come to mind.

😈 Do you have an "inner critic"? On the heels of the recommendation I just listed, I want to add this one. I’ve used this link with several clients in the past few weeks, which qualifies it for a recommendation here. For those with high Restorative, Achiever, Responsibility or Deliberative in #StrengthsFinder, dealing harshly with yourself may be an ongoing challenge for you. As the article states, "We all know this voice in our head that constantly criticizes, belittles, and judges us... Our inner critic can be a cruel and deeply damaging force. Its strength and impact determine our overall mental wellbeing. The destructive voice in our heads is never satisfied and can soil and spoil anything we may achieve, no matter how impressive." If any of this sounds familiar, take some time to check out the many resources available on this link.

😃 Happiness in America, Part 1: The Secret to a “Good Life,” According to an 80-Year Study. I enjoyed this discussion of a longitudinal study at Harvard. Super fascinating - it certainly makes me interested in knowing and learning more, and talks about all the stuff I care about most: #meaning, #purpose, #resilience.

😫How to Manage Anxiety after a Layoff. Great direction on how to #journal to avoid #catastrophizing when dealing with something difficult like a #layoff. I have a boatload of journaling prompts also available if you need them.

🤔 Making decisions, seeking approval. Quite possibly my favorite #newsletter, by #OliverBurkeman. Take a few moments to consider how much you look for #approval from others when #makingdecisions.

🧒🏽 30 Questions to Ask Your Child Beyond "How Was Your Day?" I am always quick to provide questions for team conversations and relationship building in the workplace, but I have neglected to provide questions for just as important a cohort of people, children and teens (and maybe all the other people in your life?!) Try these out.

As always, thanks for taking the time to read through these... feel free to reach out with questions or feedback at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me. 

July 2021: Reflections on Returning

I don't know about you, but I am finding this a rather disorienting time. I am certainly thankful we're not quite as fraught as this time last year (escalating COVID numbers in the US, protests sparked by George Floyd's murder, and a contentious presidential campaign), but things are still complicated and scary. Just checking the news this morning sent chills: a presidential assassination in Haiti, chaos in Afghanistan as the US withdraws troops, rising numbers of bodies found in the condo collapse in Florida. I can chalk up some of the anxiety to the endless 24-hour news cycle, but these are tragedies regardless.

Fun blog post opening, right?! But I cannot try to happy talk my way around what I am hearing. At the same time, I am finding that it all becomes somewhat more manageable if I talk about it with those I trust. This is one of the things I have experienced out of the pandemic -- people are more willing to talk about difficult things more readily. The resources I am listing this month are borne from those conversations and reflections. I hope they prove useful to you too.

The Age of Reopening Anxiety. Sure, there are a TON of articles out there about life post-pandemic. I felt like this one actually had something to say. [Hint: note the new term "cave syndrome."] I especially liked it because it put words to some of the hazy feelings and thoughts I was having. Even better, it's not all gloom and doom. As stated at one point in the piece, "Some individuals’ private lives had benefitted from the slowdown. 'Some people have let themselves discover empty time, and actually inhabit it, and not be pulled into the ever-present temptation to fill it,' he said."

You Can’t Cure Your Employee’s Existential Crisis. But You Can Help. While the previous article addresses more of our personal life challenges as we slowly return from the pandemic, this article is more geared toward the role of leaders and managers in the workplace.

How Do You Ask Good Questions? I suppose this post emerges from a discussion around how to be a good podcast interviewer. But in the spirit of the "I have forgotten how to socialize" dilemma that many are feeling as we return to in-person gatherings, I think this has some good ideas to try out.

What I Am Reading And Listening To. So many different things are occupying my attention right now as I try to process all the crazy going on:

• Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted. I’m semi-obsessed with this book by Suleika Jaouad. My friend Nancy Rust, a writer, recommended this to me. I read it in about 5 days. You know that feeling, where you are reading it when you brush your teeth, go to the bathroom, make breakfast. The experience got extended when she was interviewed on several of my go-to podcasts and I learned even more. She provides profound insights on mortality, purpose in life, writing, suffering, etc. That has prompted great opportunities for reflection. My favorite interview of her was this one with Tim Ferriss. Fun extra: go to Jaouad's website, theisolationjournals.com, and sign up for their free weekly journaling prompts if you are already a journal keeper or want to get started.
• Can't Even: How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation. Anne Helen Peterson provides fascinating (and sometimes cranky) insights on the struggles for Millennials and Gen Z as their early education and work experiences bridge the Great Recession of 2008-2009 and the recent pandemic. These younger generations have gotten a bad rap and clears that up real quick. Wow. She also has a newsletter on Substack that is pretty darn interesting.
• Plenty: Eating Locally on the 100-Mile Diet. This was a re-read for me to provide renewed motivation for good "food hygiene" in terms of eating seasonally, organically, and locally.  I first read this book 10 years ago or so, when I first decided to try eating seasonally and organically. "Locally" is mostly possible, but I have some dietary restrictions that sometimes makes that less possible. But Michael Pollan, in "In Defense of Food," taught me how to shop around the edges of a grocery store.
• The "Sunday Read from the NYTimes." This is a part of The Daily podcast but it's become a regular Sunday habit for me to hear long-form journalism audibly. I recommend this recent episode about the woman who insured we would learn about Van Gogh. Amazing!
• PBS News Hour. Feels less panicked and less dramatic that standard cable news, who feel like they are trying to stir me up hourly into a frenzy. I listen to the podcast while I'm making dinner and get caught up the latest without getting heartburn. I also occasionally listen to BBC World News to make sure my perspective is not too US-centric.
• Smartless. 100% silly, guilty pleasure. Few podcasts make me laugh out loud, but this is one of them. A fun way to unwind. Favorite episode so far: the interview with Maya Rudolph.
  
  
• 
  
  Last but not least: Read about a 70 year old woman who was the first woman to thru-hike the
  Appalachian Trail alone -- and she did it in tennis shoes. Wow. Who knew? Whenever I start feeling sorry for myself, I can think about Emma Gatewood. Sheesh.

Thanks for reading... stay tuned for updates on more recent podcast interviews (I just recorded two this morning!) and coaching conversations. Reach out to me at kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me with questions or feedback.

July 2020: The Self-Care Edition

I felt some sort of tectonic shift on July 1. I spent time reflecting on how we had just finished the first half of 2020 and what an incredibly difficult and weird time that had been. I wanted to hit restart and move in a different direction. So the conversation I'm having on repeat these days is about how I'm learning to shift from a sprint to a marathon mentality. In other words, when quarantine kicked in near the end of March (WOW, that feels forever ago!) I hunkered down and just pushed hard through sheer adrenaline. This was a new experience, and we all figured it would last just a few weeks, right?

But here we are some four months later, and we ALL need a new plan. I've had experience getting through crises ~ after all, given where I live in California, I've had to evacuate three times since 1990 due to wildfires and I've survived multiple earthquakes. I've also navigated through the suicides and terminal illnesses of those close to me. But this is different. As I've said to several clients, it feels like a slow-motion car crash that never ends. And we all cannot just keep hunkering down. We need to pace ourselves -- this looks like it might last awhile.

So I've been focusing on 5 key questions with clients:

1. Are you sleeping at least 7 to 8 hours per night?
2. Are you getting exercise at least 4 days a week (PS are you getting outside?!)
3. Are you eating intentionally and in healthy ways?
4. Are you seeking consistent social support? (which is no joke under current conditions)
5. Are you pursuing some sort of spiritual practice? It could be meditation, prayer, yoga, circular breathing, journaling...

If you're like me, you've read enough about how to work from home. Now it's time to dig deeper and get more creative about how to not just survive this year, but find new ways to live. Here are some resources I've been passing along to others.

Boundaries. As the various parts of our lives now seem to live in the same place, it is becoming all the more important to learn how to set some healthy boundaries. One of the very best resources over the years has been the simply-titled book Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend. But if you are looking for some short and sweet articles on how to start living out boundaries in practical ways, go to the link at the start of this paragraph. The authors have a great little blog with a bunch of solid articles there.

Managers, Encourage Your Team to Take Time Off. Sure, this article is addressed to managers, and if you are one, take it to heart! But you also may need to advocate for yourself. My friend just took a 4-day, socially-distanced camping trip to get her head and heart cleared after a really difficult few months. Most likely, many of us are mourning the loss of cherished vacation plans this summer. Nevertheless, it is not healthy for us to forgo a break entirely. Employers are finding that workers are actually surprisingly productive as they work from home, but this also means they are not taking some much-needed breaks to unplug and recharge because it feels so complicated.

This article has some valuable ideas for how to be creative in stepping away. I like this quote:

When working from home, encourage your employees to consider “vacations” as tools for focused family time, caregiving, and self-care. Down time is likely to be devoted to supporting good mental health rather than recreation or travel.

The Agile Family Meeting. If you only have time for one article as you scroll through this post, make it this one. It is REAL and PRACTICAL, and touches on something I haven't read many other places. Rather than focus on the very valid difficulties of no school, few childcare options, and parents juggling work and family this summer, this article gives us a truly effective plan. Do not pass this up.


Final Quote. 

“Real leaders” [are] people who “help us overcome the limitations of our own individual laziness and selfishness and weakness and fear and get us to do better, harder things than we can get ourselves to do on our own.” 

David Foster Wallace

Thanks for reading. Send me questions or feedback to kelly.soifer@ksleadershipdevelop.me. May your second half of 2020 be... better :) 

Need Coaching, Mentoring, Therapy, Career Counseling? Get the Lowdown Here

I had a friend once tell me that, based on the variety of articles I recommend, I must have very eclectic tastes. I took that as a compliment...

Here are two "eclectic" examples today, at least in terms of sources, but they revolve around the same general theme. The titles speak for themselves.

Mentors, Career Coaches and Therapists: Which One's Best to Help You Get Out of Your Rut? This one comes from an employment website geared for Millennials called The Muse. I found this to be a valuable article, especially given its target audience. If you follow my blog at all, I reflected on an article on April 29 regarding anxiety in today's college students from The Chronicle of Higher Education. In my experience, I see high rates of anxiety among post-college folks as well, so this is a pertinent conversation. I especially appreciate the ways the writer differentiates between the roles that mentors, career coaches and therapists serve.

I have experienced all three a great deal and want to add a couple of additional tips:

• MENTORING: I've mentored scores of students, young adults, interns, and colleagues who are in their first jobs. One key point she does not mention: it is the responsibility of the "mentee" (can we come up with a better word? I always think of a manatee when I hear mentee) to reach out to the mentor. In fact, I think it would be creepy if someone approached a young professional and said, Hey, can I mentor you? One more thing: while I am sometimes asked about how to address specific situations in mentoring, it is less frequent than coaching, and functions in general at more of a "10,000-20,000 foot" level. In other words, we talk more about large-scale issues, long-term needs and goals, where to get education and training, and so on.
• COACHING: I heartily wish there was another word for this besides "coaching" (yes, I'm picky about words!). Sometimes people ask me if I'm a life coach and I can't say NO!! fast enough. Rather, I work with people to help them work through professional concerns of supervision, management, hiring and firing, project management, productivity, organization, strategic planning, etc. But we will also get down to ground level by talking through meeting agendas, thinking through conflict resolution, and brainstorming. Coaching happens more frequently than mentoring. And as the article states, "[Coaches] also don’t have any conflicts of interest when they’re hired individually." Keep this in mind: the gold standard for coaches should be their capacity for confidentiality. Clients need a safe space to process.
• THERAPY: I've been in therapy a few different times in my adult life and I've provided "lay counseling" as a pastor to families and youth for decades. As a result, because of my background, I have had clients contact me beyond coaching and consulting when they have been laid off, experienced marital or parenting difficulties, faced illness or struggled with depression. Since I am not a licensed therapist, I try to function more a "first responder," listening and trying to assist the client in knowing what their options are. This was the weakest part of the article: while it does a good job describing the real-life challenges that people often face in the workplace, it gives very little insight into the most difficult aspect of therapy: finding a good therapist. I seek to maintain an up-to-date referral list, and stay apprised of who to contact for what.  If you think you might need therapy, try your best to ask a wiser colleague or medical professional for a referral. Don't just trust the Google. 

On to the next article...

Counselor or Coach? Remember how I said I draw from an eclectic set of sources? Here's an article on similar issues, but from a rather different source: the Inside Higher Ed newsletter. 

This one is a bit more focused on sorting through career issues than than the first one, but I found the writer's answers somewhat simplistic. It does do a good job explaining the role of a career counselor, and fleshes out a couple of things addressed in the first article.

For the sake of brevity, I will only add two things: resources I found incredibly helpful in my own career transition:

1. Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer. Though this comes from a faith perspective, it is very general and one can receive wisdom from it regardless of your beliefs. This book was a game-changer for me and I've recommended it to many, many others and received positive feedback.
2. What Color is Your Parachute? A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-Changers by Richard Bolles. This one is updated each year, so purchase the latest edition. It may give you just the shove you need. Very specific and practical.

Thankfully, I'm still mentoring young adults (in fact, I have lunch scheduled with one this week!), and I am currently coaching CEO's, academic leaders, pastors, faculty, denominational leaders, non-profit executive directors, and first-time managers. ALL of them are a delight to work with. Pursuing a career in ANY field in 2018 is tricky, given the dynamism of today's world. All I can say is, Don't go it alone. But seek after voices of expertise and wisdom rather than your friends. Let me know if I can help!

Podcasts Post No. 5: Feeling Lost and Facing Loss

I have had the tremendous privilege of being invited to walk alongside people during the most intense times of life: birth, courtship, marriage, divorce, mental illness, betrayal, terminal illness, long-held secrets... you name it. The highs were very high and the lows often felt consuming and unbearable. While I have cherished the profound joys shared, I have found that part of why I am able to draw such deep delight from them is that because I have also been dragged through the depths several times. And those times are so agonizing as to be truly "breath-taking." There is nothing to say in the face of deep pain and fortunately I learned rather early on just to SHUT. UP. and sit with someone.

This might seem rather heavy and perhaps you would rather skip this post altogether. But in the midst of my work in the past month I have talked with two people who are depressed, and it has been important for them to actually just acknowledge that to another person. So I bring it up here and want to remind you that the odds are quite good that someone you know (if not you yourself) is depressed. And it is a great gift to that person to remind them that they aren't alone. As Andrew Solomon says in one of the posts I'll be recommending,

"I think depression is, above all, an illness of loneliness. I think the sense that you are unable to do things and that no one can help you — eventually, you go to a doctor and he gives you some kind of medication, or you go to another kind of doctor and he gives you psychotherapy, or, in fact, you go to a priest or a minister or a rabbi or somebody like that, who tries to encourage you and to keep you going through philosophical and theological argument — but you lose the sense of the inevitability of your own being alive. And that’s the most lonely, isolating feeling."

Since this is a blog about leadership development, I am here to remind us all that part of being a leader will certainly require us to persevere through incredibly difficult times, and crucial to our growth in maturity and depth will be the willingness to walk through the fire rather than numb ourselves or do anything possible to avoid the pain. Both of the podcasts I list today are quite powerful arguments for why we must learn how to get through the sadness and grief.

Both episodes come from the same podcast and I cannot recommend it enough. It is called On Being, which describes itself as, "Conversation about the big questions of meaning in 21st century lives and endeavors — spiritual inquiry, science, social innovation, and the arts."

Listen to these if you are interested in learning from those who have walked these roads and come out on the other side as deeper, more sensitive and thoughtful leaders:

• The Soul in Depression: Andrew Solomon, Parker Palmer, and Anita Barrows
• Resilience after Unimaginable Loss: Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

Parker Palmer is the author of the book Let Your Life Speak, which is on my list of the top five books that have impacted my life. If you're looking for a brief but extremely thought-provoking book that will prompt reflection on career, vocation and purpose, this is what I recommend. (Then again, my chiropractor thought it had too much "touchy-feely" stuff, so there you have it!)

I listened to the podcast regarding Sheryl Sandberg's untimely loss of her husband twice because it was so moving to me. Buckle up for a surprisingly vulnerable and generous interview.

Thanks for reading this far. Please let me know if you found either or both of these podcasts valuable. As leaders we need to create space for people to enter such times when they comes. As Sandberg said,

“I have lived 30 years in these 30 days. I am 30 years sadder. I feel like I am 30 years wiser.”

May we learn to walk with others when they are in such places, and be brave enough to invite others into our own struggles when they occur. Godspeed.